Saturday, October 02, 2004

The Rum Diaries, the less exciting version

Okay, so I have officially put my demographic to shame. Sara, Bexx and I went out for Bexx's b-day last night. After some Indian food at "the cockroach" (don't ask), we went to drink the obligatory birthday drinks at Trader Vick's. The various forms of rum punch served there are good, but they wouldn't be have as good without being served in giant communal porcelin tikki god bowls with long straws and white orchids floating inside. After we got a little rum buzz going, we headed over to Lenny's for dance night and caught the last couple songs of the Weezer cover band performing there. Drank some more rum (this time mixed in boring plastic cups with boring old coke), danced a little dance, harassed the PBR rep guy for more free armbands, then realized that it was only 1:00 and I was sleepy instead of drunk and that working a 9-5 job is a good excuse for my already sadly lacking night life.

Today Pat and I are going to Marshall's to buy him a new shirt and tie for the wedding we're going to tommorow night. We might as well just change our names to Walter and Betty and move to Lake Altoona for an early retirement.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Hot Grrls in the city

Okay, so T-Daddy wins the big pretty prize. Stop commenting!!! Pretty pretty prizes only come to those who wait.

Turns out I'm not very good at keeping promises (shock and awe from all who know me.) I promised that I would try to post more regularly, but I also promised that I would not finish off the rest of the brie cheese wheel that I served to my knitting circle last night. Yet somehow I have a belly full of cheese and haven't posted a darn thing since Monday.

As I mentioned above the third official meeting of the "Hot Grrls Sweat Shop" occured at my house last night. The name is all Jeph's fault. Whenever we hang out the four of us always talk about knitting and inevitably someone whips out their latest project. Once when we were hanging out at Jeph's apartment he surveyed girls wielding yarn and sticks on his futon and deemed that he should re-christen his apartment "hot girl sweatshop." We decided we might as well make it official with a regular weekly meeting. While we have yet to recruit any small vietnamese children to join our group, Kathie Lee Gifford is in talks to sell our goods at K-Mart.


Apart from a small incedent involving a guy walking up to the screened in porch where we were knitting and asking us to give him old clothes because he had just walked out of a house on fire. The guy then lifted up his shirt and pressed his torso up against the glass door, revealing some very gnarly but completely healed scars. He left when we told him to, but it was kinda scary because no one cares about our street enough to install street lights, making it so dark outside that none of us saw him coming until he was standing directly in front of us. Oh, the joys of city living.



Monday, September 20, 2004

i'm so pretty pretty

just a quick note to say that i got a pretty new haircut on saturday and now i'm so pretty pretty i don't know what to do with myself. if i could figure out how to post pictures, i would show you just how pretty pretty, but maybe that's a good thing cus i'm so pretty pretty that it might blow your mind.

more on my pretty pretty self later.

if you are in need of some extra-credit home work, count the number of times i used the word pretty in this post. the first person to give the correct answer wins a pretty pretty prize!

Saturday, September 18, 2004

A Partial List of Things Found In Our Car When I Cleaned it Out This Morning

1) two winter coats
2) a countless number of Pat's homework papers and tests
3) two MLA style manuals
4) a mallet
5) two emergency flourescent orange ponchos
6) The Lord of The Rings Trilogy boxed set plus The Hobbit
7) inflatable raft
8) tent stakes
9) practice catheter
10) stethoscope
11) mini tape recorder
12) flea and tick shampoo
13) two empty 24 oz bottles of Bud
14) unpaid parking ticket
15) springform pan
16) dog hair encrusted flannel blanket
17) broken glass
18) mini-propane tank
19) pen light
20) one uneaten sandwich

Friday, September 17, 2004

no work today, but i get to go back on monday, yeah!

No, for real, yeah! Today was the end of my two week "trial period," and even though nobody could go in today 'cus the power was out at our office, my boss called me to say that she expected me back in on Monday and that we would talk about my new job then. So, I still don't know how much I will be paid, but I think that I like the job alot, so I really hope everything works out. Telling pretty people what to do and being in charge of their monetary fates is kinda fun, hehehehe.

Sunny Days

Bexx is right, I'm a terrible blogger. Only two weeks ago, I didn't have anything better to do than play on the computer all day. But now, I can't really blog at work quite yet (i'm still trying to get them to like me), and when I get home I don't want to touch the computer. (other than looking for new knitting patterns of course:) Speaking of knitting, we had stitch & bitch at Bexx's house last night, yeah! I'm so excited about going to the fiber festival in October, I don't know what to do.

Okay so, it's 9:30 in the morning and I'm still at home because although armegeddon refused to happen last night and New Orleans is still a city, the power is out at my office, and now I have to sit around and wait until someone calls to tell me it's back on before I go in. It's really humorous to me how everyone here freaked out about a "hurricaine" even though Atlanta is basically a land locked place with the nearest shoreline being four hours away. Really we just had a lot of rain and that was it. Of course, i'm sure that the local news had their require fat lady with the unintelligible southern draw being interviewed at the Winn Dixie talkin' bout stockin' up on bottled water and canned soup, and how there is hardly any bread left.

I got an email from my beautiful faux bosnian cousin today. She's over in Sarajevo, or somewhere in the Balkans or something, actually I don't know exactly where she is although I'm sure she's told me, all I know is it ain't America, the home of the free, where everything is fair and balanced and everyone is granted equal voting rights in fair elections where it's not your money put your perseverence and hard work that lets you live the American dream, whatever yours happens to be, and you never have to worry about being persecuted as a result of your religion or lack thereof because we live in a land where there is a separation between church and state and everyone has freedom of speech.

Oh shit, nevermind. I'm moving to Bosnia. I love you Jen!!! Come home, it's great here!!!

Monday, September 13, 2004

If I had a cat it would hate you (and then it would probably ruin my stuff)

I don't have a cat and if you go to this site you will see why. Go see cats hating you for various reasons. Captions range from "Die evil feather thingie!" to "Yess... drink your Pabst, then drive your Camaro... into a tree," to just simply "Die."

Itemized List of Things The Spazz's Spastic Dog Has Eaten and Thusly Destroyed In The Past Six Months and Their Approximate Value

1) Designer Eye Glasses $300
2) Countless Rolls of Paper Towels ???
3) Hand-Me Down Throw Pillows $0
5) 2 Pairs Flip Flops from Target $30
6) Pat's Black Dress Shoes $40
7) Pat's White Nursing Shoes $40
8) Joy's Classic Van Slip-Ons
with the Cherry-checker-board
print that she liked a lot
and had just gotten that week $35
9) Joy's Red Dansko Mary-Janes $116
10) 1 bottle Ibuprofen $804 ($4 for the pills,
$800 for the emergency vet visit)
11) Library Book $30
12) Photographic Biography of Oscar
Wilde (that I bought in Ireland
and whichhappens to be out of
print in the U.S) $25
13) My Beloved copy of "Stitch
and Bitch" $12
14) The belt with the silver glitter
skulls on it that I bought in
Belfast when my pants were
falling down $12
15) Plastic dog food dish $3
16) Plastic water dish $3
17) Countless pairs of Pat's
white socks ???
18) Stan's Death Cab for Cutie CD $12
19) "Seven Years in Tibet" starring
Brad Pitt with a hot German
accent $9
20) Bukowski's "Love is a Dog
from Hell" (not ironic in the
least bit) $12

Thursday, September 09, 2004

All The Pretty Mercenaries

I mentioned in my last real post that I was on my way into the real live working world. Well, I just finished my third day of my two week free lance "trial period" at a modeling agency (no, I'm not a model, duh. and no, I'm not producing porno movies in the back room). The online version of The Spazz Report was originally meant to be a place where I could share the meanderings of my leisurely lifestyle as a lazy brokeass member of the partially unemployed. While working only two days a week for peanuts at a job that does not require my $120,000 college degree, without the benefits of a trust fund or even senile millionare for grandparent is almost as good as it sounds, it does get old after a while.

And thus we arrive at my current arrangement working for peanuts as a wrangler of all the pretty mercenaries. But hey, at least I have a more "socially acceptable" answer to the ever nagging question: "What did you do today?"